Ever since the surgery, my life has been changing. For the better for sure. But with that change comes sacrifice. Some of that sacrifice has been voluntary, others have been forced upon me.
One of the changes that have been forced upon me is the people in my life. I have never been one who had a lot of friends or even a large circle. In High School and even College, I always had 2 or 3 close friends and that’s it. No big circle or anything like that. Into adulthood, I always had trouble making friends. Maybe it was the lack of confidence from being a big guy. Maybe it was the chip on my shoulder that I was at work to work and not make friends. Maybe it was just me, who knows.
For the last few years, I have had this 1 friend. She and I have never met in real life. We met online but we became best friends. we would talk for hours, we text all the time it was everything. This year was filled with a lot of changes for both of us. After surgery, she did not check in on me or reach out. We hit a rough patch but got through it. Then all of a sudden *POOF* she blocked me from text messages, and social media. At first, I was confused and hurt but now I am at peace. It honestly has been the best thing that could have happened to me. And if she is reading this, I thank her.
We need to surround ourselves with people who lift us up, support us, make us happy. The people in my life now do just that. From the people at work, I call friends, to the people I still talk to from my childhood. I do not know if I have more confidence now that my life is changing for the better. No, that is exactly what it is. The truth is, the old adage of you cannot love others until you love yourself is true.
As another person who was in my life up until recently pointed out, I hated myself so deeply that I became an asshole to everyone around me. He was so right. Prior to surgery, I hated myself. Even after surgery, I still hated myself, less and less every day, but still hated myself. A few days ago all of that changed. There was no major event, no life-altering speech. Just the people in my life, without realizing they were doing it, showed me just how awesome I am. They showed me why I should like, even love, myself.
Now I sit here, taking stock in my life. Taking stock in the things I have, the clothes I wear, my style, the music I listen to and I want to thank every single one of you reading this for being apart of this journey and my life. you are all awesome.